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Don't you dare interrupt my well deserved wine and little treat time. (S) -
Fuck your fucking smoothies I am making violently potent negronis and having fun. (S)
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No one fucking cares about your grand plans to relocate and leave London. (S)
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Please do not invite yourself round. We are forever busy. (S)
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Please no fucking politics at the party. (S)
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Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have kitchen roll for you. (S)
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(Life) Tom Cruise is short. Live it. (S)
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We must confess we only came to drink your best wine and cause chaos. (S)
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Please do not get in our way when we are drunk dancing to Taylor mother fucking Swift (S)
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Babes, you're not quirky, you're just a cunt (S)
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Pass le vin to pass le temps. (S)
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I am sorry for fabricating another 'cold' for my child in order to cancel on you. (S)
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All that she wants is another rosé. (M)
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Babes, it's not a hidden gem, it's Hackney. (M)
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Darling. Drunk dancing is so much better with you. (M)
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Don't you dare invite me to anything after 4pm on a Sunday. (M)
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I only came to drink your fine wine, shit stir and delight in the unfolding drama. (M)
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Oh fuck off with your 'we simply must get a date in the diary soon'. (M)
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Please tell the guests to go as I am ever so weary of shitty small talk. (M)
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Thank you for the irrelevant advice that I will nod along to and internally scream at. (M)
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Reach for the third bottle of wine, (and pop a fourth in the fridge just in case) (XL)
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Oh fuck your fucking health kick. I am smoking beaucoup de vogues and buttering my croissants. (XL)
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Art is for everyone except you, you narrow minded twat. (XL)
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Please do not get the bag in. This was supposed to be a quick catch up over drinkypoos. (XL)
