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With a little bit of luck we can make it through the dire dinner party. (S) -
Careful. We are still seething from your last whoops-a-daisy with our best glasses. (S) -
Please stop posting shit holiday photos with the unimaginative 'Mondays ain't so bad.' (S) -
Oh that's great you're trying hackney but we know you predrink to ed sheeran and uber to clapham. (S) -
Please do not sour the mood with your attention seeking insecurities. (S) -
We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard). (S) -
Please do not spill on the tatami. It is Japanese. (made in China). (S) -
Oh Christ. This was meant to be just an afternoon thing not an all-fucking-nighter. (S)Sold -
Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit. (M) -
We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre living room does not make you an interior designer (M) -
I'm sure your lifetime ISA will keep you company when you are sat in a nursing home. (M) -
Oh do shut the fuck up about your tremendously tasteless new extension. (M) -
Please take the unsubtle hints and order a fucking cab as we are bored talking about your child reaching its many milestones. (M) -
Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have outdated novelty kitchen roll for you. (XL) -
Please do not leave me desperately making conversation with your parents. (XL) -
Yes the rumour is true. i only came to drink your wine, flirt and gossip. (XL)