Hate Plates

Babes, you're not quirky, you're just a cunt. (S)

Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club. (S)

I think it is best to admit that our friendship has run its course. (S)

Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy. (S)

It wasn't sentimental, just really fucking expensive. (S)

Hate plate suitable for a future break up. (S)

We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard). (S)

I think it's safe to say we were never really friends, we were just fucked. (S)

Let me see that new bathroom renovation reveal. (S)

Oh do shut the fuck up you smug, sad, sensational bellend. (S)

Oh christ. Please do not suggest to stay over. (S)

I only came to flirt with your mother. (S)

Sorry I am staying in to have a tremendous orgasm. (S)

Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit. (M)

I'm sure your lifetime ISA will keep you company when you are sat in a nursing home. (M)

Give you (the world) one whole night of fart free bedtime. (M)

I liked brutalism before you liked brutalism. (M)

It is ok. i brought my own Lao Gan Ma crispy oil with me. (M)

I only came to drink your fine wine, shit stir and delight in the unfolding drama. (M)

Oh do shut the fuck up about your tremendously tasteless new extension. (M)

We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre makeover does not make you an interior designer. (M)

Which clever cunt drank all the delightfully, delicious crémant? (M)

Dan Jamieson, So sorry to inform you but i looked up the words shit, bland and tacky and all that came up were naff pictures of your recent renovation passion project (XL)

So sorry to inform you but i looked up the words shit, bland and tacky and all that came up were naff pictures of your recent renovation passion project (XL)

Dan Jamieson, I'm not sure it was the best time to play shaggy feat rik rok 'it wasn't me' as the gender was revealed at the gender reveal party that no one really wanted to come to (XL)

I'm not sure it was the best time to play shaggy feat rik rok 'it wasn't me' as the gender was revealed at the gender reveal party that no one really wanted to come to (XL)

Reach for the third bottle of wine (and pop a fourth in the fridge just in case). (XL)

Please do not leave me desperately making conversation with your parents. (XL)

I'm not sure if i told you already, but i used to live in hackney wick, in a warehouse, before gentrification, but we had bidets. (XL)

Who drank all the fucking rosé? (XL)

I only came to drink the nice wine i left behind last time and criticise the water pressure. (XL)

Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have outdated novelty kitchen roll for you. (XL)

Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this. (XL)

Rather pretty shitty vase for pretty shitty flowers

Don't you dare touch the fancy glasses. only i may use the fancy glasses. (XL)

Please do not spill on the tatami. It is Japanese. (made in China). (S)

Please help yourself to drinks as we see you've arrived empty handed. yet again. (XL)

Please, i am pretending to enjoy the natural wine. (M)

We are all thrilled you bought cheap corner shop wine. and forgot the crisps. (XL)

We will never, ever forget your clumsy and avoidable red wine 'accident'. (M)

Yes the rumour is true. i only came to drink your wine, flirt and gossip. (XL)

Now is probably not the best time to WhatsApp your dealer (saved as Dr Rugs)