Hate Plates
-
Big fucking wow. Everyone is feigning interest in your 'I did a thing.'
-
Everyone is desperate to view your engagement video
-
Hate plate for some wanker's super yacht art collection
-
Hate plate to cover a minor diy disaster
-
I must confess I hearted the video you sent without actually watching it
-
I only came to flirt with your father
-
I only came to get good content
-
I really regret the seventh espresso martini
-
Not to worry I brought my own rug so you don't have to ask me to take my shoes off
-
Oh do shut the fuck up about your tasteless new extension
-
Oh fuck. Not another whatsapp group that I will hastily archive
-
Oh stop. You are not an interior designer
-
Please do not text your dealer. This was meant to be a simple drinks do
-
Please note that when you put your wine in our fridge, it is now our wine
-
Please stop posting shit holiday photos with the unimaginative 'Mondays ain't so bad.'
-
Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy
-
Sorry but you are more annoying than one of those tossers with a pointlessly loud exhaust
-
Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club
-
We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard)
-
When I get too emotionally sentimental and play Beauty And The Beast, sang wonderfully by Angela Lansbury, please leave
-
Yes, you already told us the price of your bath tub
-
Do not blame the algorithm for the poor response to your tacky renovation project
-
Fuck your fucking moany and drink this nice negroni
-
Hate plate for a downstairs toilet where you send your least favourite guests
-
I only came to flirt with your mother
-
Just stop. There are more than enough cushions
-
Just to let you know, I'm almost there with my comeback to your savage put down in high school
-
No worries if not I'll just check your stories to see if you're doing what you said you'd be doing
-
Please do not take my hasty emoji reply as a firm commitment to your plan
-
Please tell the guests to fucking vamoosh
-
Please, I am pretending to enjoy the natural wine
-
Sorry but no one gives a flying fuck that you are taking an instagram break
-
Sorry no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of jacket potato
-
The smug satisfaction of the perfect excuse message and then leaving the group chat
-
With a little bit of luck we can make it through the dire dinner party
-
You are as predictable as a pub renovation
-
Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit
-
Oh my goodness we are sorry for the confusion. That soap is for very special guests. We have some basic squelchy stuff for you
-
We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre living room does not make you an interior designer
-
We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your very safe and mediocre living room does not make you an interior designer
-
Don't you dare expect me to commit to the lavish and overly ambitious Sunday plans we made on a rosé soaked Saturday
-
We bought this in the hope the artist's work will command a pretty penny, so please do not disappoint our daydreams of a lavish yet rustic Italian villa with an infinity pool with glorious sunsets
-
Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this
-
Rather pretty shitty vase for pretty shitty flowers