Dan Jamieson

Hate Plates

  • Dan Jamieson, Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club. (S)
    Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy. (S)
    Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard). (S)
    We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard). (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, I think it's safe to say we were never really friends, we were just fucked. (S)
    I think it's safe to say we were never really friends, we were just fucked. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Let me see that new bathroom renovation reveal. (S)
    Let me see that new bathroom renovation reveal. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Oh do shut the fuck up you smug, sad, sensational bellend. (S)
    Oh do shut the fuck up you smug, sad, sensational bellend. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Oh christ. Please do not suggest to stay over. (S)
    Oh christ. Please do not suggest to stay over. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, I only came to flirt with your mother. (S)
    I only came to flirt with your mother. (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit. (M)
    Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, I'm sure your lifetime ISA will keep you company when you are sat in a nursing home. (M)
    I'm sure your lifetime ISA will keep you company when you are sat in a nursing home. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Give you (the world) one whole night of fart free bedtime. (M)
    Give you (the world) one whole night of fart free bedtime. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, I liked brutalism before you liked brutalism. (M)
    I liked brutalism before you liked brutalism. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, It is ok. i brought my own Lao Gan Ma crispy oil with me. (M)
    It is ok. i brought my own Lao Gan Ma crispy oil with me. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Oh do shut the fuck up about your tremendously tasteless new extension. (M)
    Oh do shut the fuck up about your tremendously tasteless new extension. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre makeover does not make you an interior designer. (M)
    We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre makeover does not make you an interior designer. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Which clever cunt drank all the delightfully, delicious crémant? (M)
    Which clever cunt drank all the delightfully, delicious crémant? (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, So sorry to inform you but i looked up the words shit, bland and tacky and all that came up were naff pictures of your recent renovation passion project (XL)
    So sorry to inform you but i looked up the words shit, bland and tacky and all that came up were naff pictures of your recent renovation passion project (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, I'm not sure it was the best time to play shaggy feat rik rok 'it wasn't me' as the gender was revealed at the gender reveal party that no one really wanted to come to (XL)
    I'm not sure it was the best time to play shaggy feat rik rok 'it wasn't me' as the gender was revealed at the gender reveal party that no one really wanted to come to (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Reach for the third bottle of wine (and pop a fourth in the fridge just in case). (XL)
    Reach for the third bottle of wine (and pop a fourth in the fridge just in case). (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Please do not leave me desperately making conversation with your parents. (XL)
    Please do not leave me desperately making conversation with your parents. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, I'm not sure if i told you already, but i used to live in hackney wick, in a warehouse, before gentrification, but we had bidets. (XL)
    I'm not sure if i told you already, but i used to live in hackney wick, in a warehouse, before gentrification, but we had bidets. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Who drank all the fucking rosé? (XL)
    Who drank all the fucking rosé? (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, I only came to drink the nice wine i left behind last time and criticise the water pressure. (XL)
    I only came to drink the nice wine i left behind last time and criticise the water pressure. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have outdated novelty kitchen roll for you. (XL)
    Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have outdated novelty kitchen roll for you. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this. (XL)
    Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, All that she wants is another (baby) rosé. (XL)
    All that she wants is another (baby) rosé. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Now is probably not the best time to interrupt the awkward silence with boom boom boom let me hear you say wayo. (XL)
    Now is probably not the best time to interrupt the awkward silence with boom boom boom let me hear you say wayo. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, I didn't realise having a child meant having so much mundane small talk with other parents. (M)
    I didn't realise having a child meant having so much mundane small talk with other parents. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Imagine you get a call from liam neeson and he says you're about to be taken, then a pause and a giggle and he says taken out for dinner and dancing, my treat (M)
    Imagine you get a call from liam neeson and he says you're about to be taken, then a pause and a giggle and he says taken out for dinner and dancing, my treat (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Please do not spill on the tatami. It is Japanese. (made in China). (S)
    Please do not spill on the tatami. It is Japanese. (made in China). (S)
  • Dan Jamieson, Please help yourself to drinks as we see you've arrived empty handed. yet again. (XL)
    Please help yourself to drinks as we see you've arrived empty handed. yet again. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, Please, i am pretending to enjoy the natural wine. (M)
    Please, i am pretending to enjoy the natural wine. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, We are all thrilled you bought cheap corner shop wine. and forgot the crisps. (XL)
    We are all thrilled you bought cheap corner shop wine. and forgot the crisps. (XL)
  • Dan Jamieson, We will never, ever forget your clumsy and avoidable red wine 'accident'. (M)
    We will never, ever forget your clumsy and avoidable red wine 'accident'. (M)
  • Dan Jamieson, Yes the rumour is true. i only came to drink your wine, flirt and gossip. (XL)
    Yes the rumour is true. i only came to drink your wine, flirt and gossip. (XL)