Hate Plates
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Hate plate to cover a minor diy disaster -
I only came to flirt with your mother
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Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit
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Sorry but no one gives a flying fuck that you are taking an instagram break
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Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club
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Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this
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Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy
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We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard)
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Hate plate suitable for a future break up
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It wasn't sentimental, just really fucking expensive
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Let me see that new bathroom renovation reveal
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New home, same sorry sad, drab interior
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Oh christ. Please do not suggest to stay over
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Please do not make fucking boring small talk with me while our children briefly play
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Reach for the third bottle of wine (and pop a fourth in the fridge just in case)
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Sorry those napkins are for a different calibre of guest. We have outdated novelty kitchen roll for you
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Thank you so much for coming. Bring more fucking wine next time
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We are sorry but posting shit pictures of your mediocre makeover does not make you an interior designer
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We must confess we only came to raid your best wine, demand to hear our favourite banger and dance in a mildly inappropriate manner
